Romance in Writing: Murder the Insta-Love

Photo credit: unclefuz on Flickr
Without naming names, I'm sure most of you can think of at least one novel you've read in which the characters fell in love far too quickly. Where the relationship evolves from learning each other's names to making out and saying the l-word in the span of a couple chapters or in-story days. 

I'm talking about the second of two dangers I mentioned in my recent writing romance well post—insta-love.

There are two major problems with insta-love, namely, it's unrealistic and it cheapens the romance.

Why is it unrealistic? Let's look at everyday life—while there are cases of love at first sight, the truth is that those instances are far from the majority. Relationships take time to build, and that initial excited infatuation often fades over time (this is the difference between a crush and love. Some scientists believe there are three stages to love—and needless to say, the first stage is not true love).

The deeper problem beneath being unrealistic is that your readers may stop to question it—and any moment that your readers stop reading to question something in your book, is a moment that they've been pulled out of the narrative, something that as a writer, you want to avoid at all costs. Love and romance between two characters should feel natural, but if your readers are questioning it, then the romance clearly needs work.

Why do I say that insta-love cheapen the romance? A relationship between your characters should be special. If it truly matters to your characters (and it should if you intend to make them romantic partners), then you need to make it matter to your readers. If the characters fall together instantly, however, then the relationship won't have time to build—not between your characters, and not to your readers, either. Remember, it's not just your characters that have to get used to each other—your readers need to get used to your characters and their relationships as well.

Ultimately, your goal is to make your characters fall in love, yes, but it's also to make your readers fall in love with your characters and the relationship they have.

If you suspect that your characters may have fallen victim to insta-love, then there's a very good chance that they might have (we writers have excellent instincts—we just don't always want to listen to them). To make sure, however, I recommend getting some CPs and beta readers to take a look at your WIP and ask them to look out for insta-love. Like most things in writing, it's much easier to recognize a flaw in someone else's work than it is to recognize it in your own.

Have you ever written or read insta-love? If the former, how did you fix it? If the latter, how did it affect your perception of relationship?

12 comments:

Amy Jarecki said...

Agreed...though there can be an instant attraction...and don't forget all the reasons that keep the Hero and Heroine apart.

Ava Jae said...

I agree--instant attraction isn't a problem. It's more a problem when they say they love each other and act like a couple who have been together for years after a couple in-story days.

Sarah Anne Foster said...

I was afraid I was guilty of this at first, but my characters are just attracted to each other instantly. It takes a while for them to do something about it, and even longer for it to feel like a real relationship.

JalFisher said...

Well put! I think we all like to imagine the "some enchanted evening" scenario. That said, you can build a romance on instant LUST and how the characters deal with that, perhaps finding love, becomes part of the drama.

Ava Jae said...

There's definitely a big difference between instant attraction and instant love. Instant attraction is entirely realistic--people decide whether or not they're attracted to each other pretty instantaneously in actual life. As long as the actual falling in love bit doesn't happen as quickly, you needn't worry. :)

Ava Jae said...

Thank you! I agree--instant lust/attraction is definitely usable and realistic. The relationship itself should just take longer to develop.

Ava Jae said...

Thanks, Robin! Much appreciated. :)

Carissa Taylor said...

Yes, THIS!

Jeremy Feijten said...

Good that you wrote some more on insta-love, because it can be tricky, even for experienced writers. I don't know if you've read Gone by Michael Grant, but I feel that his main characters are also victims of insta-love.

Having said that, you're previous post on romance got me thinking and I'm not convinced anymore that insta-love is per definition bad. It could be great to show the reader what a certain character is like, I think. It might indicate for example that he or she is a flirtatious type, or someone who falls in love easily.

Ava Jae said...

There's still a difference between a character who falls in love easily, and insta-love, and there's definitely a difference between flirty characters and insta-love.


When I say fall in love, I mean I would give my life for you true love. Not I am attracted to you love or lustful love. Flirtatious characters (and people) tend to fall in the more lustful category, whereas victims of insta-love are declaring their unwavering love for each other before a relationship has had time to build at all. Hopefully that better helps explain the difference?

Jeremy Feijten said...

Oh yes, I see. I thought we were talking about romantic (sub)plots in general, but in fact it's about that one true love. In that case, I keep quiet :-) You're pretty right!

Ava Jae said...

And yes, I understand the confusion. There's absolutely nothing wrong with romantic subplots. They just need to be handled correctly (as in, without insta-love). :)

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